Subscribe to The Onion on YouTube: http://bit.ly/xzrBUA A dad delivers his State of the Union rebuttal directly into the television screen, a new program provides depressed Americans with suicide prevention dogs, and the surgeon general advises being 19 years old with 100 bucks in your pocket and your whole life in front of you. It's the week of January 31, 2014 Like The Onion on Facebook: http://www.fb.com/theonion Follow The Onion on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/theonion More Breaking News: http://www.theonion.com/video/